Your bio isn't a bio, it's a sponsorship contract: @stake @nocta @octobersveryown @betterworldfragrancehouse @drakerelated. Five brands, zero sentences about yourself.

You posted 'https://youtube.com/drakeofficial' as the entire caption three separate times within the same minute. We got it after the first one.

Same move with 'EPISODE FOUR MAY 14' — posted three times back to back, like the caption needed backup dancers.

You gave 'ICEMAN,' 'MAID OF HONOUR,' and 'HABIBTI' each their own 'OUT AT MIDNIGHT' post within the same minute — that's not a drop, that's a stampede.

Your follow list swings from footballer Lamine Yamal to an account literally called 'easterncanadiancrimereport' — the algorithm truly does not know who you are.