Fifteen straight captions landed within roughly eight hours on the same night — this account doesn't schedule posts, it live-blogs the game.

Anthony Edwards barely gets his own name in these captions — it's "ANT-MAN" and a 🐜 emoji, over and over.

Every caption follows the same template: player, verb, stat, team tag — "@keyonte1george's smooth move seals the @utahjazz home W!" could be Mad Libs.

The tracked follow list is almost entirely current draft prospects and rookies the league doesn't even employ yet.

A coach's 1,000th career win gets the exact same hashtag-and-exclamation-point treatment as a random Thursday box score.